Dec 23, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Your Perfect Christmas
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Your Perfect Christmas
As you are reading this, Christmas is about to happen. And you are probably anxious about at least one thing, probably several. Some of your anxiety is obvious and conscious and articulable: You still have shopping to do, your house is a mess, people are coming over, what will you wear, how will you cook everything and wrap everything? Some of what you’re feeling is inexpressible but just as palpable: Sheer anxiety shooting through your subconscious, silently running the numbers on all the ways things could go wrong.
I wish you could see the cards hanging in my Dining Room. I wish you could hold in your heart just how beautiful things can be on the day that things go wrong, when they are chaotic beyond imagination.
I am giving you permission to screw up this Christmas. I am giving you permission to overcook something. Or undercook it. Or both. Break a plate. Stain something irreparably. Bring up politics even though everyone knows you should NOT BRING UP POLITICS. You can be too cranky or get the wrong gift. You can disappoint yourself, and you can even disappoint someone else. I know you don’t want any of these things. I know this. It’s not like you’re trying to screw up. You want to get it right and I want you to get it right. And also, even if you do all the wrong things, God is showing up.
I want to invite you to make love the center of your Christmas. Not flawlessness: Love. Not met expectations: Love. Not simplicity: Love. Not idealism: Love.
Dec 16, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, When We Are Talking
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, When We Are Talking
Do I always know what I believe or why? No. No I don’t. I have made a decision to be a religious Christian. Sometimes it makes sense to me and sometimes it doesn’t. For me, religion is similar to marriage in that, I don’t get to be all in only when it makes sense to me or when I feel like it. One day a long time ago I realized I believed in God and that I needed to take that seriously, and I have spent much of my life since then trying to do just that, however imperfectly. And here we are.
I remember one skeptical ex-Christian friend of mine asking me, “But how do you know for sure that you’re right?” And I surprised him by quickly answering, “Oh, I’m not sure at all.” I could be wrong about Jesus. I could be wrong about all of this. But I have decided and am still deciding to try to live my life as if there is a God and that God is Love and that Love has something to do with me. This is the best I can do.
Dec 09, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, When You Have Enough Faith
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, When You Have Enough Faith
I feel like I’m missing some deep sense of certainty. I mentioned this last week, as I opined about how I wish God had given us more certainty. I expressed annoyance that faith, by definition, apparently requires uncertainty – otherwise it wouldn’t be faith. When I was writing that I was thinking mostly about my frustration with God for not making things more obvious.
And, hey, it’s all well and good to blame God for things. But I often find that when I am blaming others or feeling resentful, I’m really just deflecting feelings about my own shortcomings. And I probably do that with God. So today I want to give God a break and turn attention toward myself and my own faith inferiority complex. Which is to say, somehow when the conversation comes to faith, I think I can be doing better. But I don’t really know what better looks like.
Maybe you experience this: the feeling that somehow, you’re supposed to be doing something you’re not, or you’re supposed to be “better” at something without actually knowing what “better” is. That nebulous ideal, better.
Dec 02, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, When I Don't Want to Believe
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, When I Don't Want to Believe
There’s a line in Scriptures that says faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. I just cannot tell you how much I don’t want this to be true. I don’t want to hope for things, and I don’t want to have conviction in unseen things.
For many years this was a big stumbling block for any kind of religious pursuit for me. I believed in God, but I didn’t want to believe in God: I wanted to prove God’s existence and get it over with. At that time it seemed pretty clear to me that loving my enemy and praying for those who persecute me and turning the other cheek and giving money away without any desire for reimbursement, and forgiving without reservation and loving without condition would all be much more doable if I knew without a doubt that there was a God and that God unquestionably wanted me to do these things. I was prepared to be obedient if God was prepared to convince me.
Nov 25, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Why I'm Religious and Mostly Ok with it
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Why I'm Religious and Mostly Ok with it
Let’s get the obvious reason out on the table first: I am religious because I grew up religious and it feels very natural to me. I left church for a while and stopped being religious. This happened when I decided I could not be part of an organization that wasn’t gay-friendly (which is the language we used at the time). But when I recommitted myself to the Christian faith and found a church compatible with my values, becoming religious again seemed very natural. I was raised with the understanding that believing in God meant making specific and regular time for that relationship a basic part of my life. It was easy not to be religious when I wasn’t sure I believed in God, but once, as an adult, I realized I believed – finding practical ways to practice that belief just made sense to me.
I want to be clear that this is not the same as saying religion is comforting. I hear people say that religion is comforting, and I guess if your goal is to have something that reinforces the notion of life after death and a benevolent force in the universe, then yes that is comforting. It actually is. But my experience of being religious has often been very inconvenient. It is demanding. Being religious has forced me to confront ideas that challenge and upset me, that push and confuse me. Religion means having to deal with and be invested in other people even when I don’t want to.
Another reason I am religious is that I cannot always be spiritual. As I said, I used to be spiritual but not religious. I had a spiritual awakening in my younger days, and it was not in a church – it was on a cliffside trail overlooking a beautiful body of water and it was deeply mystical and a moment of deep spiritual awe.
Nov 18, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Why I Believe in Jesus for Now
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Why I Believe in Jesus for Now
I want to begin with the easiest, most obvious, truth about my belief in Jesus – and it’s also the one that is the easiest to dismiss. I was raised Christian. My parents were Christians who baptized me as an infant and raised me in a church community. I don’t remember a time in my life when God wasn’t part of the equation. And I don’t remember a time when I took seriously the possibility of being another religion.
I think it’s better to be honest about that. I know saying it out loud opens me up to the observation that if I’d been raised Muslim I’d be a Muslim, if I’d been raised Sikh I’d be Sikh, if I’d been raised Jewish I’d be Jewish, and so on. And that is very likely. It would be really impressive if I could say I studied every single religion in depth and then chose Christianity, but that is not what happened. I did not choose Christianity. I did not find Jesus. Christianity chose me. Jesus found me. This is indefensible, and I believe it. Jesus found me.
This, by the way, is called indoctrination. I would like to write more about indoctrination in the future – I think it is misunderstood and gets a bad rap. But for now I’ll just say, I don’t believe it’s possible not to indoctrinate our children. The question is into what shall we indoctrinate them? I am choosing love. Specifically, I am choosing the magnificent, faithful, gracious, sacrificial love of God that I see present in Jesus.
If I was ever going to be anything other than Christian, I would have been an atheist. For much of my life I have been tempted by atheism. Because many times God seems so implausible. But instead of ever really being an atheist, I keep believing in Jesus...
Nov 11, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, God and Terrible Things
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, God and Terrible Things
Let me say the hardest thing first, so that you can check out early if you want to: I don’t believe God is weak or powerless. And that means I believe God allows terrible things to happen. And I believe that I will never fully understand this reality. That may seem like a copout to you, and if so, that’s fair enough. But let me say this: I find it odd that we think that we should be able to understand God, God’s decisions, and God’s actions fully in order to believe in God. I don’t understand my wife and I sure believe in her. I don’t even understand myself most of the time, but I believe in me too.
We say we’re made in God’s image, and I’ve come to believe our unfailing inscrutability is one of the things that makes us like God. To say God is mysterious may sound trite, but I still believe it. Because I believe life and love are endlessly mysterious, and God is Love, and God made life. We want God to be the answer of so many things, but so often God is the question.
The second thing I want to say is that I believe God plays the long game. This may actually be my least favorite thing about God. But it’s also one of those areas where both Scripture and my personal experience are so consistent, that I have no choice but to believe it. I am writing this in the aftermath of another Election Day – a day that seemed to have enough disappointment in it for everyone. And I notice the yearning that bubbles up within myself each Election Day. Every time, regardless of previous experience, I feel myself wanting the outcome to be clear and definitive. I want justice in one fell swoop. I don’t just want my team to win – I want it to be 100%, as if we could all wake up one day on the same page. I don’t want to hear that line about the arc of the moral universe anymore. I’m tired of it. I want things to be made right – right now.
Nov 04, 2022 |
Rector's Blog Throwback Episode, When Jesus Votes
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog Throwback Episode, When Jesus Votes
As part of our When Love Shows Up Throwback Series we are re-posting this blog post which was originally posted on October 7, 2020
Maybe you tend towards a liberal or progressive worldview. Maybe you have more of a conservative understanding of things. How is Jesus influencing you? How are you allowing yourself to be influenced and shaped by the one to whom you’re tied for all eternity? I don't mean to suggest that a real Christian can’t be either conservative or liberal: we can. I also don’t mean to suggest a false equivalency, saying, “It doesn’t matter how you vote, so long as you go to church!” There are real issues before our country right now: How we get through this pandemic, how we address inequity, how we work for racial justice, just to name three that are already on your mind.
We are called the Body of Christ. This means that when we vote Jesus isn’t just in the booth with us looking over our shoulder: When we vote, we are representing Jesus in this world. If that makes you uncomfortable, good. Me too. We want to recognize this responsibility. We want to recognize our Christian identity fully in our words and in our deeds – and in our votes.
Maybe you tend towards a liberal or progressive worldview. Maybe you have more of a conservative understanding of things. How is Jesus influencing you? How are you allowing yourself to be influenced and shaped by the one to whom you’re tied for all eternity? I don't mean to suggest that a real Christian can’t be either conservative or liberal: we can. I also don’t mean to suggest a false equivalency, saying, “It doesn’t matter how you vote, so long as you go to church!” There are real issues before our country right now: How we get through this pandemic, how we address inequity, how we work for racial justice, just to name three that are already on your mind.
We are called the Body of Christ. This means that when we vote Jesus isn’t just in the booth with us looking over our shoulder: When we vote, we are representing Jesus in this world. If that makes you uncomfortable, good. Me too. We want to recognize this responsibility. We want to recognize our Christian identity fully in our words and in our deeds – and in our votes.
Oct 28, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Compared To What?
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Compared To What?
For his entire career, Bob Dylan has sought to present himself as he currently is. And that simple reality frustrates people. Because they compare him to himself. They compare him to what he used to be. They compare him to their own memory of him. And they leave scratching their heads.
And how guilty are we of this? Not with Bob Dylan – but with life! Comparing our life now to what it used to be and then being disappointed that it has changed, even though changed is all it has ever been. Growth, aging, transformation, weathering, breaking down, building back up, being affected by your own life, showing your wrinkles. Your voice changes, your heart and your mind and your beliefs and your ideals and your faith all shift. But then you compare you now to you a few years ago. You scratch your head and say why. You just aren’t like you used to be.
Life keeps happening. And, to be honest, that’s what scares us. We want that singer to sound like he sounded 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 50 years ago – like he sounded in our memories. We find some strange solace in that kind of comparison. How much ink has been spilled comparing our country now to what we once were?
The church is far from immune to this comparison. Here is how I remember church: why can’t it be like that?
Oct 21, 2022 |
Rector's Blog Throwback Episode, What Percentage of Your Income Do You Give to The Church?
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog Throwback Episode, What Percentage of Your Income Do You Give to The Church?
...for many people – myself included, 10% has always felt nearly impossible. If we are seeking some respite from such a high percentage, the New Testament is no help: It turns out all the first Christians held their possessions in common and shared all their resources equally among one another. There’s a word for that and we American Christians don’t like it. So, what are we to do?
As an adult, I have pledged 10% not knowing how I’d make that work, and then had some miracle money fall in my lap to pay that. It’s pretty exciting once, but it’s no way to structure your life. I’ve made pledges and had to double back and decrease the amount or ask for forgiveness. These have been painful experiences that did not leave me feeling closer to God or closer to my worshiping community: Mostly I felt like a bad Christian for not getting it right, and a worse Christian for not being cheerful in giving because I was living in a scarcity mindset and was not sure how it would all work.
In every situation I’m describing to you, I always loved my church. I’ve always wanted to get it right.
As an adult, I have pledged 10% not knowing how I’d make that work, and then had some miracle money fall in my lap to pay that. It’s pretty exciting once, but it’s no way to structure your life. I’ve made pledges and had to double back and decrease the amount or ask for forgiveness. These have been painful experiences that did not leave me feeling closer to God or closer to my worshiping community: Mostly I felt like a bad Christian for not getting it right, and a worse Christian for not being cheerful in giving because I was living in a scarcity mindset and was not sure how it would all work.
In every situation I’m describing to you, I always loved my church. I’ve always wanted to get it right.
Oct 14, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Throwback Episode, Where Is Jesus in Your Spending
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Throwback Episode, Where Is Jesus in Your Spending
As part of our When Love Shows Up Throwback Series we are re-posting this blog post which was originally posted on July 22, 2020.
"What happens when, instead of asking, “What would Jesus do?” you ask the question, “What is Jesus doing?” or “Where do I see Jesus in this?” The emphasis shifts dramatically. “What would Jesus do?” is like a game of make believe – treating Jesus’ presence as hypothetical. “What is Jesus doing?” pushes you to see Jesus working in your life. “Where do I see Jesus in this?” forces you to recognize there is no part of your life where Jesus isn’t Lord, where the life and love and peace and mercy of God aren’t meant to be expressed."
"What happens when, instead of asking, “What would Jesus do?” you ask the question, “What is Jesus doing?” or “Where do I see Jesus in this?” The emphasis shifts dramatically. “What would Jesus do?” is like a game of make believe – treating Jesus’ presence as hypothetical. “What is Jesus doing?” pushes you to see Jesus working in your life. “Where do I see Jesus in this?” forces you to recognize there is no part of your life where Jesus isn’t Lord, where the life and love and peace and mercy of God aren’t meant to be expressed."
Oct 07, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, When Money Talks
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, When Money Talks
If you are reading this, it matters that you understand you are essential to the life and vitality of your church. You may not even be a member of Redeemer, maybe you’re in a different state, a different denomination, maybe you belong to a synagogue or a mosque. But if you are part of a faith community, your presence and involvement in ministry matters, your heart and soul matter, and your financial commitment matters. It is a very practical way for you to support ministries that change lives. And this is a year where your gift will be especially important, as faith communities everywhere seek to account for the significant increase in cost-of-living and inflation.
Your financial commitment talks. It is a statement. And I want to be clear about this: I don’t mean it’s your way of voicing approval or disapproval. I’m not saying if you think things are going well, increase your gift, and if you’re annoyed it’s not like you’d hoped it would be, decrease your gift.
Sep 30, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, When God Is Toxic
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, When God Is Toxic
We are told we are unworthy of God’s love – that we are no good. We are told that God loves us even though we are no good, and that what God really wants for us is to become better people. And, lucky for us, if we do exactly what God asks us to do – which is impossible – we can actually become better people. We are even told it is impossible! But if we just believe the right things about Jesus, we can basically trick God into liking us just enough until we actually become good enough to love.
This is garbage theology and many of us accept it as Christian doctrine without batting an eye.
These traits we attribute to God, we recognize them as abusive in human relationships. We know it in our bones. And the idea of our loved ones thinking they are unworthy of love is horrific to us, yet we often believe this to be true about ourselves
This is garbage theology and many of us accept it as Christian doctrine without batting an eye.
These traits we attribute to God, we recognize them as abusive in human relationships. We know it in our bones. And the idea of our loved ones thinking they are unworthy of love is horrific to us, yet we often believe this to be true about ourselves
Sep 23, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, The Words We Cannot Say
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, The Words We Cannot Say
The people of God made a decision, God can call themselves whatever God wants. As for us, we’ll agree that there are some things we just can’t say.
We have trouble with that today – this idea that there are things we cannot say. I am a straight cisgender White Christian man in America, and my group of people in particular gets really bent out of shape about the possibility that there are things we cannot say. I have heard many of us complain that we can’t joke about things like we used to. And we have to be careful about how we talk about race and gender and sexuality. We get nervous and frustrated. We don’t like being in trouble. And, if we’re honest, we’re pretty anxious about being held accountable.
But what really seems to upset us is when other people can say words that we cannot.
Sep 16, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Growing in Mission
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Growing in Mission
...mission is messy because it doesn’t get to be abstract – it is something that has to live in the real world and it has to draw us outside of ourselves and push us not only to think about our faith but live it – to live as if Jesus is real, as if his life and words apply directly to ours.
And, honestly, it’s been hard to try to understand our mission and to live into it during the first couple years of this pandemic. For a large chunk of time, we were told to refrain from all the typical ways we seek to impact peoples’ lives. Our sense of mission as a church has been experiencing an existential dilemma.
As we get back on our feet and begin to rebuild our life together, now is a good time for us to place questions about our mission right at the forefront of our minds...
Mission is not about making us better people, and it should never be about us trying to make other people the right kind of people. That’s not love, that’s colonization. Mission isn’t about centering ourselves as saviors – we have a savior already and Jesus is doing just fine. Mission is about our sharing love in this world, participating in the transformation that springs from that love.
Sep 09, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Growing into Love
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Growing into Love
We talk about growth in our Vision Statement. There’s a whole bullet point dedicated to it, and we will be focusing on that bullet point throughout this program year. In it we say that we envision a church that is “Growing with people of every age, race, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic situation, and political persuasion.” We wrote that four years ago, and I will freely admit that when we wrote it, I was thinking about numbers. I was thinking about increasing the number of people that are connected to Church of the Redeemer. But the language we used pushes us beyond that. When we say we want to grow not only in number but in the type and age and experience and perspective of our membership, we are saying we want our understanding of who we are to grow. We are talking about the growth, development, and maturity of how and where we see love.
Communities are generally built around similarity: Similar interests, similar life experiences, similar histories, similar bloodlines and perspectives. Historically, human cultures have not encouraged people to seek connection and relationship outside of their prescribed circle. Church is meant to counter this. We don’t always get it right, but this is what church is supposed to be about.
Sep 02, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Living Worship
| Anny Stevens-Gleason
Rector's Blog, Living Worship
This year Church of the Redeemer is doing some work to think through how we worship – assessing our liturgies, and naming our core values as a worshiping community. In August parishioners and clergy alike responded to a worship-related survey, then gathered one weekend to begin that process with a liturgy workshop. Today on When Love Shows Up, I have invited our Minister for Liturgy Anny Stevens-Gleason to share with you some of the results of the survey, and some of the things we’ve gleaned from our shared work, as well as what’s next for our community and the importance of worship to each and every one of us.
We lived about one block from the church, and I thought, “I could make it home and back!” The sermon had just started. I scooted down the pew to exit out the side door, quietly tip toed down the stairwell and snuck out the door. Once my feet touched the parking lot gravel, I was off. Full cassock and cotta, I began to run. I did unbutton the cassock for some mobility, but in my platform suede slide sandals, I ran home. I’d be curious who saw me that day - and if you were wondering, the iron was off. But that Sunday didn’t seem out of the ordinary, my life was intertwined with the church even at that point of my life. So, to run home made sense. We attended regularly and I served often, and typically during more than one service. This is not to boast, but to say that worship has been a common variable for my entire life. It is the one constant whether at college, studying abroad, or away from home, worship is grounding for me. It is foundational.
And worship is grounding for us all because we keep showing up. For some reason we keep coming back, week after week. It matters deeply. It is sacred. It reminds us of something greater than ourselves. We attend desiring a connection with God and then making connections with each other, communally, together. As humans we are wired for connection.
We lived about one block from the church, and I thought, “I could make it home and back!” The sermon had just started. I scooted down the pew to exit out the side door, quietly tip toed down the stairwell and snuck out the door. Once my feet touched the parking lot gravel, I was off. Full cassock and cotta, I began to run. I did unbutton the cassock for some mobility, but in my platform suede slide sandals, I ran home. I’d be curious who saw me that day - and if you were wondering, the iron was off. But that Sunday didn’t seem out of the ordinary, my life was intertwined with the church even at that point of my life. So, to run home made sense. We attended regularly and I served often, and typically during more than one service. This is not to boast, but to say that worship has been a common variable for my entire life. It is the one constant whether at college, studying abroad, or away from home, worship is grounding for me. It is foundational.
And worship is grounding for us all because we keep showing up. For some reason we keep coming back, week after week. It matters deeply. It is sacred. It reminds us of something greater than ourselves. We attend desiring a connection with God and then making connections with each other, communally, together. As humans we are wired for connection.
Aug 26, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, The More You Love
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, The More You Love
There’s a book on my shelf that says on the cover, “The more you love music, the more music you love.” I have found that to be truer and truer since letting go of the numbers game.
Since becoming a parish priest, I have been obsessed with church growth. I have been obsessed with attendance numbers, with membership numbers, with pledge numbers. These have historically been the markers of “success” for a congregation and I, of course, want to be successful. And our church – Church of the Redeemer – wants to be successful too. We want to grow.
We even put it in our Vision Statement! And to our credit, for what it’s worth, we were growing in the years leading up to the pandemic: In attendance, membership, and giving, we were growing. We were successful.
And then the pandemic.
Since becoming a parish priest, I have been obsessed with church growth. I have been obsessed with attendance numbers, with membership numbers, with pledge numbers. These have historically been the markers of “success” for a congregation and I, of course, want to be successful. And our church – Church of the Redeemer – wants to be successful too. We want to grow.
We even put it in our Vision Statement! And to our credit, for what it’s worth, we were growing in the years leading up to the pandemic: In attendance, membership, and giving, we were growing. We were successful.
And then the pandemic.
Aug 19, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, If God is Love
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, If God is Love
I want to grow in Love. I want to make my life about Love. I want Love to be the end and the beginning of me.
I hear a lot about the failure of love. That love isn’t enough. That love is only capable of so much. That love only works in ideal situations. That love is all well and good to hope for or think about, and maybe even to try from time to time: But to make love the centerpiece of your life is just fanciful, idealistic, not to mention naïve.
I was about to argue with that, but I don’t know – maybe centering your life on love is fanciful and idealistic and naïve. On the other hand, what else is worth worshiping? If you’re going to put something at the center of you, what other than Love could it be? Is there something better to give your life to than Love?
There are many objections to making Love central to your life, but so many of the ones I’ve heard seem to take a limited view of Love. Love is sometimes substituted with pleasantness or good manners, or attraction or romance. I have heard people describe Love as essentially being nice. And if Love is just these things, then it isn’t God, and it doesn’t deserve our faith, our commitment.
Aug 12, 2022 |
Rector's Blog, Scared of Death
| The Rev. Philip DeVaul
Rector's Blog, Scared of Death
I am a Christian who is scared of death.
And back in 2009 I thought maybe seeing an autopsy would help. When I gave my explanation, two other chaplains raised their hands and said, “Actually, that makes sense. We would like to do this too if possible.” Our supervisor rolled her eyes, and reluctantly gave us permission to ask. My friend Wiley took on the responsibility of setting it up. I remember this because of what the morgue workers said when he spoke with them. They said they’d arrange for this to happen on one condition.
“What’s that?” Wiley asked.
“Pray for us,” these bastions of modern medical science requested.
“Well of course we’ll pray for you, but why?” Wiley asked.
“Because we’re all alone down here. We’re the morgue. Nobody wants to be around us or interact with us.” That blew us away. Even in the hospital, among professionals, the ones closest to death are avoided like death itself. We prayed for them every day. They told my friend they’d call us when a viewing was allowed. Several weeks passed, and I all but forgot the request. On my 30th birthday the call came, and down to the morgue we went.
